she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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