hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
