There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
It was confusing and full of hummus
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Boobs speak an international language.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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