I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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