Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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