i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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