Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She bit a glass in half.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
