I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize