At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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