So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
