:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
