All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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