could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
