There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
