i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
