I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
