there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
