Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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