"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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