3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
