R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize