you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
