I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
there's paper in my vomit.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
