Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
