captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
