She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
worst night to have a conscience
I intend to get homeless drunk
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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