Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
