break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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