True but thats because hes a fetus.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
