im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I love you.
Bad choice
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
