Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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