Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
