So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
