her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
another moral hangover. fuck.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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