i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
