i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize