My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
im six kinds of drunk right now
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
