Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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