Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
