Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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