the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
