Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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