just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize