This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
should my penis look like a turkey
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
