She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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