It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
