Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
