my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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