M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
