She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
