Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He shit in the fireplace
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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