please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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