I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
