Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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