can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
