If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
