Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
