I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize