I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
