It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
