8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
