I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
that is very illegal...i love you.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
