All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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