when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
