Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
