No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
