I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
