I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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