She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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