Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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