well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
