Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
