Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize