Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
