my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
