im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
