fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
