So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
she woke up with a sticky ear
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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