speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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