the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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