No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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