If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
