I think i peed on brittanys purse
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
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