8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
