Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
