Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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