she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize