woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
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