did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
