I wannas sexs uuuuu
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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