Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
