hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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