theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
