How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
