Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
