i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
