I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
