Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
